I'm gay and I buaya, you?

Buaya - Malay language for 'Crocodile'. Also used connotatively to describe cheeky men who are into sex... :)

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Yay...

:)

Just got news that my friend whom I mentioned earlier is getting back to his bf of 9 years after 3 weeks of cooling down time... It is so heart warming to learn of that! I sincerely wish K and B a happily married life from now on... :)

It goes to show that love can conquer all... :)

Now I wish my colleague all the best too with her troubled marriage...

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

我爱顶尖流行歌曲排行榜, 27/07/08



Recommended songs:

我知道我变漂亮了


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3KcvpzJqO0

晴空万里


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfheW0rOKQY

如果你是我


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7wlD6LEuYA

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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Singapore Garden Festival 2008



Went to the Singapore Garden Festival some time back with a friend. It was quite nice... The crowd seems less than the previous show... But then again, maybe it was the fact that I went at the last day for the previous show... Well... Anyway... That's not what I am going to post about... :p

Here are some pictures of the show... :)

Proof that I had been at the show:


Another season of enchantment...






I dubbed this 'The Cunt'... :p


This Sinking Shangrila won the first prize... and the creator is very cute... :p




Know who this is? ;)








The beauties...


The rainbow... So gay... Kekeke...










I almost wanted to buy this... Worm culture... for composting your organic wastes... But... very ex... $200!... :|




In the end, after a tiring walk, I went home with 7 pots of orchids, 2 pots of pitchers and 2 plant books... And my wallet shrunk by more than $150... :p

I sure hope the plants will do well! :p

And I wanna go back again during the weekdays to get more... Kekeke...

Monday, July 28, 2008

6 days and counting...

Well well... To the surprise of some people... I had not had an ejaculation for the 6th days now... And hopefully, still counting...

Dunno why... Just no mood for sex...

And lazy to get hard also... After getting hard liao, just no mood to jerk off... Jerk a little and decide to just let little Buaya deflate his ego and go to sleep... :/

Why ah?

Am I reaching the age where one gets tired of sex and has no mood for it liao? Scary...

Anyway... This is not the first time... The last time I had it in record, it was for 11.5 days... :p

See how long I will last this time round lah... Maybe I can break my old record and have a grand finale... Kekeke... :p

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Cold...

That's how you are supposed to feel when you listen to these jokes...

Think they started in Taiwan as the Taiwanese seem to have a weird sense of humour... But prolly they were influenced by some of earlier HK movies' 无理头 (no logic) jokes...

Anyway... Here are some cold jokes, or 冷笑话, that were shared during a small dinner gathering between me, LS, CB and GB some time back...

1) An ang moh who studied a bit of Mandarin was finally visiting Taiwan. He was greeted on the street by an enthusiastic guy...

Guy: Do you speak Mandarin?
Ang Moh(wanting to demonstrate his ability): Ru guo ni jiang man yi dian, wo ke yi de... (如果你讲慢一点,我可以的... speaking in a slang, he means if the guy was to say it slowly, he can handle)
Guy, nodding: Do... you... sp...ea...k... Man...da...rin...?
Ang Moh: ... *faint*

2) Jokes on Doreamon:

Q: 为什么小叮当生活在黑暗的世界里?
A: 因为小叮当伸手不见五指。。。

Q: 为什么小叮当经常受到表扬?
A: 因为小叮当就只会伸出圆(援)手。。。

3) Q: Bah Zjang (肉粽)掉在地上了是谁拾起来的?
A: 祥龙,因为降龙十八掌 (祥龙拾bah zjang)。。。

Ok... Hope that will cool you down in this hot July weather... :p

Thanks for reading...

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Bhutan

The beautiful small Himalayan Kingdom of Bhutan suddenly became THE country to be in over the past weekend...

HK long time partners, Tony Leung and Carina Lau finally got married this Tuesday at the beautiful Kingdom of Bhutan. They had been together for 19 years and had suffered many rumours of break ups and 3rd parties and even survived a kidnapping. The marriage ceremony attracted media attention and to avoid being harassed, the couple chose to have their wedding held at the Kingdom, with the blessings and help from the Bhutanese monarch.

What caught my attention was not how handsome the couple looked in the traditional Bhutanese wedding gowns loaned to them by the monarch... But... I was immediately attracted by how handsome the current and next Bhutanese Kings are!

The King of Bhutan had decided and declared that he will abdicate the crown and pass to the crown price in 2008 in a bid to give democracy to his people. But though the news was made in 2005, it never caught our attention till now... :p

The current King of Bhutan


The Bhutanese King with his 4 wives


The Crown Prince of Bhutan


*swoon*... :p

(edit: The former King abdicated in late 2005, the crown prince is now the official King of Bhutan)

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Friday, July 25, 2008

Go fuck yourself...

No... I am not scolding anyone... Or was I being scolded...

:p

Earlier on, I attended the BW anniversary gathering and there was a lucky draw prize that I was quite the very interested in...

But I did not get the prize... As my ticket won me another prize earlier...

But... The person who won the prize I was eyeing at declined the prize... And the organizers decided to re-cycle the prize. Subsequently, all 4 others who managed to get drawn for the prize declined to collect the prize... And I volunteered to claim it... :p

What is it that no one wants to collect it but I want it?

It is a kit that allows the person holding on to it to make a replica of an erected penis! :p And the kit suggested that the owner should make his own penis model... ;) Since I am thinking of getting a dildo to try to get used to getting fucked (kekeke... secretly training to be a flex)... I thought it might be good (and cool) if I can make a model of my own penis and literally, go fuck myself...

:p

Thus, the title, go fuck yourself... :p That's what the organizers called the prize, the 'Go fuck yourself' prize...

Hee...

Maybe I can get pictures taken of the process...

But I think I will need someone to help me...

Any volunteers? ;)

Thursday, July 24, 2008

100,000th reader?

Hmm... Noticed from my counter that the readership is reaching 100,000 soon... :p

*yay*

So... Maybe I should start a search for the 100,000th reader like what I did for the 50,000th and 10,000th readers? :p

Or... Since for the previous 2 cases, both titles were won by the same Mr J Black, whom I had met and had dinner with... Maybe I can search for both the 99,999th and 100,000th readers... How is that?

Anyone interested? ;)

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

我爱顶尖流行歌曲排行榜, 20/07/08



Recommended songs:

我回来了


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgKC1XYNw5w

原来你就在我身边


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ff4aMSPnL2Q

奋不顾身


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XW0Y28w3-Xc

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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

The Dark Knight



Hmm... What can I say? The Dark Knight is indeed very very dark...

I dun really enjoy it as much as the previous movie (I didn't really watched the previous movies before Christian Bale became Batman)... :p It kept me at the edge of my seat too much throughout the movie... I was squirming almost from the beginning till almost the end and hoping that the movie will end faster...

This particular Joker is really too much of a villain... Too scary... It is no wonder why so many people believe the late Heath Ledger had to be on medication after acting for this movie which probably led to him later dying of an accidental drug overdose...

He had indeed brought out the dark side side of the human character and created a villain that the Batman is finding very difficult to face and get rid of...

If you enjoy movies that are less happy-go-lucky, more morbidly dark and human... Perhaps you will really like this movie... :p Well, to be fair, I enjoyed it lah... just find it a tad too dark for its own good...

Enjoy the movie...

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Monday, July 21, 2008

The Curse of the Mummy...

I HATE the movie series, 'The Mummy'...

I believe I suffered from the 'curse of the mummy'...

Why?

Well... The last movie I watched with my first ex is 'The Mummy'... We broke up shortly thereafter...

When 'The Mummy 2' came about, I suffered another breakup...

And so, when the newest movie from the 'Mummy' series is showing, I am really worried... I had already told boy that I will NEVER watch the movie...

I am kinda scared I will lose boy due to this 'curse'...

:/

On Saturday TCS showed 'The Scorpion King', a pre-quel to 'The Mummy 2'... And I saw the movie before realising is is a pre-quel... I wonder if...

Well... I wonder if I am just thinking too much...

Anyway, we are meeting less and less these days... Nowadays, we only get to meet twice a week... and only once last week...

:/

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Sunday, July 20, 2008

我爱顶尖流行歌曲排行榜, 13/07/08



Recommended songs:

伯乐


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vm5VwRx0JsY&feature=related

回家的路


http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/FO5fAMoKB5c/

梦非梦


http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/gvspn-M1aJs/

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Saturday, July 19, 2008

Red Cliff



Watched Red Cliff, 赤壁, recently.

I dun really enjoy such movies as the fighting war scenes really grossed me out most of the time... And I did not read up on such history... But I must say... this show is pretty interesting... I enjoyed the scenes where the war tactics are being discussed and used... Very interesting.

Of course, the men of Red Cliff really attracted me... Kekeke...

4 of the leading men are really my type... Made me drool for them throughout the show... :p

Here they are, in descending order of my liking (lust :p) for them:

张震, Chang Chen




I dunno when I started liking this guy but I think he is one of the coolest and cutest actors ever in Mandarin cinema... He has this boyish-manly look and it just drives me crazy... His 1-eye-bigger-than-the-other-eye look also can be quite a turn on... A defect that made him has more character... :p It's just too bad he mainly got small, minor roles in blockbusters or starring only in lower budget, arty films...

Anyone has his topless pics? :p

*drool*

胡军, Hu Jun




I first noticed this China actor from '蓝宇, Lan Yu', which should be the most famous gay-themed chinese film now... And I loved him ever since... :p His appearance in '金鸡, Golden Chicken' just made me like him more... He is manly and his body really turns me on... Kekeke... He is just too man to be true... Kekeke...

Can't find his topless pics also... Anyone has? What about his frontal nude pics from Lan Yu? :p

金城武, Takashi Kaneshiro



(Ignore Zhao Wei... :p)

This half-japanese-half-chinese actor had been around the scene for many many years... Starting as a singer, he shot to fame with his boiyish good looks... And he flourished as he aged... Now he can really be said to be one if the most handsome actors around... He is really a face to look at... Especially when the movie is not very interesting...

He looks a little strange though in his role as 诸葛亮 in Red Cliff... Maybe he is just too handsome... Or he looks too boyish... :p

Also no topless pics found for this actor... But I wonder if he is too skinny to look nice topless... :p

梁朝伟, Tony Leung




This actor is the oldest amongst the 4... :p But he has his charms... His eyes are those that will kill you... Kekeke... No need to say much about him. His past movies
had proved his charm. Few people will not like him or fall for him... :p

However, I kinda think his face had been over-smoothed for the movie poster... Kekeke...

Though he went totally nude for the movie, 色,戒 (Lust.Caution) and had went topless for many movies earlier in his career, it is quite difficult to find topless pics of him... Maybe he is too skinny for most people and so his topless pics can't really be found on the Internet... Or maybe because he is such a character actor, no one thought of him as erotic... :p

Anyway... This Japanese actor is also very cute:



Who is he ah? :p (post edit: He is Shido Nakamura, thanks, Casio_888)

Anyway... As I mentioned, the movie is rather interesting as war tactics were used and displayed... And I certainly look forward to the 2.5hr continuation of this 2.5hr first part-er. :)

Thanks for reading...

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Friday, July 18, 2008

我爱顶尖流行歌曲排行榜, 06/07/08



Recommended songs:

爱人动物


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7EeJlz5ltw

走火入魔


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdqoiJsmogo

点一把火炬


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DE2mvYvUPpw

Labels:

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Google Adsense

I received an email from Google Adsense earlier... It was to inform me that I had had enough credits to warrant an actual address for them to send the cheque to if I hit US$100 in credits...

But...

A couple of days ago, I received another email from Google Adsense... They are pulling the ads out from my blog... Cos they claim I am, in their words, currently displaying Google ads in a manner that is not compliant with their policies and that my blog is too adult oriented... But they quoted the most innocent month as an example...

I wondered... Do they really check? Or is it they dun want to issue the cheque?

A source of income stopped...

Haiz...

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

我爱顶尖流行歌曲排行榜, 29/06/08



Recommended songs:

银白色月光


http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/x-ZEgzCDvR8/

干物女


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGAO7Hby2xA

一颗心的距离


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzOvHpNnQyg

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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Taiwan's Golden Song Award

Err... That should be the right translation for 台湾金曲奖 bah... :P

Anyway, I know it happened a week plus ago and we all know our dear Tanya won the Best Female Singer and Best producer awards and Gary won the best male singer award. But had you watched the show?

I did not... But I manage to catch this very funny opening of the show... On the net, that is... Enjoy this...



http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/Uwz7oNC-R4A/

It is damn funny lor... Especially when they try to 'suan' Jay, Peggy Hou and cuttlefish Jolin (ya, she looked like a cuttlefish during the red carpet walk)... Kekeke...

Enjoy the short clip... ;p

**Afternote: The correct English name of the event is 'The Golden Melody Award'... :p Thanks, iWicked, for the correction. :)

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Monday, July 14, 2008

我爱顶尖流行歌曲排行榜, 22/06/08



Sorry for being late... :p Need to rush out the postings for the 3 weeks missing liao now...

Recommended songs:

肚子饿了


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tv0uYCGqZ-0

半生熟


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isIDQEpTFUY

眼泪笑了



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ei7ddnhJunk

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Sunday, July 13, 2008

The fragile relationship

Hmm...

A friend of mine had his 9-year old relationship ended.

I pondered if I am rubbing salt to his wound by writing about this... But I guess since it had happened almost a week liao and he wanna move on liao... And I am somewhat quite affected... I guess writing about it now should be ok bah... So sorry, K, if you are reading this... Be strong and dun dwell on it... *hugs*

My relationship with boy is in its 5th year... And so I kinda understand what my friend was going thru... When you are in a relationship for a long time, sometimes, you can feel more empty than you would if you are single...

After a long time together, if you do not stay together, do not share intimacy time together, do not share a common goal, a common dream, it is very difficult to start having the feeling of drifting away from one another...

I am always worried about this with boy... That's why I want to be intimate with him... But he is not into being intimate with me... And we dun really share a lot of common hobbies and dreams... Manyatimes, I really wonder if we will make it in the long term... Should I keep the relationship growing? Is love alone enough to maintain the relationship? Is love still going to be there after, 3, 5, 7, 10, 12, etc years later? If love is not around, what is it that will keep us together? A dog? A flat? A marriage certificate?

Anyway, I realise a relationship can really be so fragile now... Why would our parents' and grandparents' generation can see long marriage while the people nowadays seek escape from a relationship and its problems so easily?

I am not saying my friend and his ex gave up too easily... Each relationship has its own problems and we outsiders won't know... But it is always sad and upsetting to learn of people breaking up... Especially since they had been together for a long time... 9 years is definitely not a short period of time...

And to add on, my colleage informed me that she is seperating with her husband soon... And they had been dating since her school days and married when she graduated... And they overcame family objections to be married... Its really upsetting to learn that they had to go the seperation round...

Hmm... The relationship is really fragile... If we are in it, we want out... But without a relationship, we feel lonely... Haiz...

I feel my friend and my colleague are stronger than me... I am pretty upset and sometimes thinking about their situation, I feel very sad and sometimes a little angry and feel like crying...

Oh well...

Suddenly feel like listening to this song, 梦一场, by 那英



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCEgtVOPpmI

May be all is like a dream...

Thanks for reading...

Saturday, July 12, 2008

The thing about intimacy

Do you have issues being intimate with your loved one?

I don't... But I think boy has...

He never like me to touch him. Even in the car, he will keep saying the people in the cars next to us can see when I reach out for his hand... Is there anything wrong??

I can understand if he dun like it when I try to touch him when at shopping centers... But in the car?? And he also dun like it when I try to reach for his hand in the cinema...

I dunno what his problem really is... But I kinda concluded that he dun like to be intimate with me... Afterall, we only make love once in 2, 3 months...

Why would one have issues with being intimate with your loved one?? I really love boy and I really want to touch him, to hold him, to kiss him, to have him with me, to make love to him etc... Why is it that he will not want these from me? He thinks I am too horny and a pervert for wanting to touch him and want to make love more regularly...

And I really want him to tell me he love me and adore me by touching me, by kissing me, by holding me etc... But he doesn't do all these...

What's wrong???

And we are seeing each other less... Nowadays, we meet up only twice a week... each time only about 4-6 hours...

And this is making me long for intimacy... I crave for someone to hold me, to touch me, to hold my hands, to kiss me, to feel me... Sometimes, it is not sex I am seeking... I just feel the need to want to be intimate with someone... Well, since I can't get it from boy, I have to get it from others... But it is also difficult to get intimate with others... Not everyone wanna get intimate with you... Most just want sex...

And people keep thinking it is MY problem and that I am forsaking boy by seeking intimacy and sex outside...

And then there are those you really dun wanna kiss or be intimate... Well, I am a Buaya, but I do not eat everyone... I do have standards too... :p

Haiz...

Well... Seems like I will have to continue this search for alternate intimacy... Maybe if we get to stay together, things might turn better...

Let's hope things will get better and that I am just thinking too much...

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Friday, July 11, 2008

FAT!...

I think I am officially fat liao... "/

Recently, I had been down on my cruising luck... And I had been complaining...

Then I was told that I had been putting on weight.... And I suspected that that is the problem... But despite a lot of people around me saying I am getting fat, I was still in a state of denial... I keep telling myself, it was not a lot of weight... It is just 70.5kg, not a lot... I am still wearing pants with waist size 30 and 31...And the BW guys keep saying I am not anywhere near fat...

BUT...

I was with the gang at Same some time back... And someone gave me 'the eye'... twice... At first I was elated... I thought finally someone is trying to pick me up at a pub... My first time ever... And it had been a very very long time since someone wants to give me 'the eye' anywhere...

Alas... As I tell the guys about my 'good' news, LS had to tell me that the guy is actually a chaser...

*ARRGHHHH!!!!*

It means just 1 thing... I am officially FAT now... A chaser just gave me 'the eye'... Haiz...

I was so elated... thinking my market value had finally gone up... But I should have seen it coming... Afterall, Same is a place originally and still is meant for chubs and their chasers...

I really need to go Cali, get a cheap package and go exercise!!! In the mean time, think I will spend more time playing badminton and trying to swim on the weekends...

Thanks for reading... :p

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Enough is enough?...

I was on MC and my boss asked his secretary to call me back... and in his words 'or else, don't ever come back'... to be scolded for something I never realised I did wrongly...

I was back and we talked about the mistake... Ok... there were shouting... My colleagues thought a war was going on as they had never heard anyone else shouting from his office except him... And in the end I told him to go find someone to replace me.

I really cannot take it anymore.

He called me when I was on leave, when I was on MC. For what? For the slightest thing that is not to his fancy.

His behaviour had just added more stress onto me... Now I actually dun wanna go to bed... Cos the next morning, I know I will have to wake up and go to work. If I am on leave or MC, I will actually subconsciously wake up early, to check my handphone, to make sure I don't see a missed call from him or a message from his secretary to 'Call boss immediately'...

After telling him that he needs to find someone to replace me, his tone changed... almost immediately... Now he is pretending he had not heard what I said... And laid plans for me for next year...

What the...

*Sigh*

Anyway, boy and all are asking to seriously consider my thought to quit soon and instead, search and confirm a job before quitting... Anyway, my boss will be changed come year end and some of them asking me to wait and see if the new boss is good or not... In fact, my current boss himself is asking me to stay and see if this new boss is reliable or not... AFTER I told him to find someone to replace me...

What should I do? Endure? I am so afraid I cannot take it anymore and go crazy, do something stupid to myself or him...

*Sigh*

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Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Air Crash Investigation

I like Tuesdays. Not just because Tuesdsays is the unofficial BW gathering at 'Church'... :p But because of this TV programme, 'Air Crash Investigation'...

And I have no idea why I like this programme...

Because, I hate flying. Seriously, I never liked it... It could be because my ears are always uncomfortable during taking off and landing... But it is very likely due to the fact that I only had my first flight like 4 years ago nia... For honeymoon with boy... :p

It can also be a result of the many air plane disaster movie scenes...

In any case, my first flight experience was not fantastic also... The first flight had me seated next to the window, which though was fun, it was pretty scary... especially when the window seemed to be fogging up!... The return flight was not less scary also... I asked for a seat away from the windows but the plane was flying thru slight turbulance at night and the whole plane was shaking for more than half the flight time... I remembered looking down and seeing the seats shaking and I worrying if anything bad will happen... I was so glad when we finally touched down... :p

Thereafter, whenever I need to fly, I just dun like it...

But... when I subscribed to Starhub Cable some months back and National Geographic Channel became one of the channel I really enjoyed watching, I discovered this programme 'Air Crash Investigation' and I was practically hooked on this programme!! It was really morbid of me... to actually enjoy this programme... In fact, the guys who knew I have a slight fear of flying yet enjoy to watch this programme really called me morbid... Kekeke...

Maybe I am morbid... I hate flying, yet I enjoy watching cases of airplanes that come crashing down from the air... Or maybe it is just the human curiosity... I dunno... :p

Anyway... If you are free, or if you subscribe to NGC, try watching this programme. It really is interesting. Some of the stories are pretty amazing as they do show stories of whole airplanes which managed to survive the situations with nil or minimal casualties...

Thanks for reading... :)

Monday, July 07, 2008

The problem with cars...

... is that you can leave without them, but if you start to drive one around for long enough, you can't live without one too...

And they are costly...

Over the year and a half that I started driving the family car, I had spent lots of money on the car... With age and a minor accident later, the bonnet, the front bumper, the aircon unit, the condenser, the timing belt, the wipers, the engine oil, the gear oil, the tyres etc had been changed. And it is a little frustrating to know that the aircon unit is still not cold enough...

And to top that, recently, I managed to scrap my car... twice... Once, it was off a certain migrant worker's elbow... He had decided that Singapore is actually part of his hometown and was taking his own sweet time walking along the road whilst talking to his friends... I had really slowed down and was really just cruising by him to make sure that I will not knock into him. BUT, as Murphy's Law will have it, he will have to stretch out his elbow enough to hit my side mirror... And the impact was pretty big... I stopped my car immediately and the fella was holding on to his elbow, in pain and looking at me apologetically... I think he was more worried that I will come down and scold him... I was more worried he will be hurt, actually... Luckily, he and his friends waved at me apologetically and walked off and I drove off... Later on, I found the paint scraped off the side mirror... *faintz*

And then the second time, I think I was a little blur when parking and dunno what I was doing... As I reverse into the lot, I got blurred and drive right into a pillar, scraping the rear side of the car... The paint came off... *Haiz*...

Now I got to spend money to have the scraped parts re-painted soon... Else, corrosion might set in...

And just when I thought the worst is over... As I make a stopover at LS', I received a parking summons... I had forgotten to display my coupon... Yes... The coupon was torn, but I forgot to display it... *Grumble*

BUT... then I found out that SS did not put coupon too and is parked at the same MSCP... But he did NOT receive a parking summons! *Grr...* I suspect the parking aunties were too lazy to walk up higher than the 2nd storey as SS is parked on the 3rd storey but I was at the 2nd storey...

I was really pissed off...

*Haiz*... The car is really very expensive to maintain... Boy keeps asking me sell the car and stop driving cos I was spending too much on the car liao... But I never hear him complain when I was driving him around... :p

Thanks for reading...

Friday, July 04, 2008

Fucked up...

*Sigh*... I am so fucked up...

I arranged to meet a few friends for dinner... But as I had about 1hr before the meeting time, I decided to check out a cruisy toilet and was so caught up in the need to prove myself and find something, I forgot to inform this friend that I will be late and he waited for me for more than 15 minutes... alone...

In the end, he left the place before we meet for dinner... Immediately, I feel so fucked up...

I dunno why I let it happen... I was not even horny... There were no guys there half the time and the other half the time, when the guys were there, they were not even interested in me!... I dunno what happened but I was very determined that I need to, that I want to, get a man. And I just let that took over me...

And I hurt a friend... who ended up leaving hungry...

Although I apologised, I still feel very very very bad...

I was quite upset with myself... I let sex ruled and I hurt a friend.

I was not even horny.

I am so fucked up.

What is wrong with me??

:(

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Fat

Ya... I had been told many times... I am FAT now...

Months ago, my mum had began to tell me I am fat. She was looking through some pictures and then it struck her that I look so fat now. And she had not been stopping to tell me that... And my siblings are not helping...

And to make things worse, boy had been telling me that I am now fatter than him... Which I dun think its true as he still has a big tummy... *grumble*... But while it is true that his muscles are toning and tightening up due to his taking up of playing basketball, mine are loosening up due to me taking up playing with my cock and the remote control... And the guys who saw him insisted that he is not as big as I made them believe he is...

And, on an unscheduled stopover at a local cruising spot some time back, I literally bumped into N. And N stared at me for a long time before he can recognize me and then the first thing he asked me was whether I had put on 10kg since the last time he saw me, which was only like 4-7 months ago...

I was a little pissed... It was just like 4kg at most!... And although he did say it was ok and it did not matter, he did not get anywhere near me the whole time I was there and only when I was about to leave and got to ask if the extra weight had affected him, did he ask me to go to his car... *Grumble*... Like I need the charity sex...

Haiz... But it really seems like I really need to start to diet again... In the past, I had went on a low carb, high protein diet for a few months, which resulted in a reduction of almost 5kg... But it also resulted in me getting easily irritable and a disrupted bowel movement...

So... Maybe this time, I will try to still follow the diet, but also include to reduce my sugar and snack intake and also to exercise as much as I can... Maybe I should join the badminton this Saturday as well... Hmm... Arrgh!... I need the Cali guys to call me to urge me to sign up for a plan so I can bargain for a cheaper membership... *Grumble*...

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Tired out...

Ya... been feeling tired...

And generally more tired than any other time before... I think I had not been getting enough sleep... Well, the weather's not helping, either... Before inviting the guys over for a potluck session some time back, the filter for my fish tank in my room was making a lot of noise and they became louder at night... when everything else is quiet...

I thought everything will be settled after the potluck cos I gave the filter a good wash and the noise problem was solved...

But I guess the filter noise was never the problem...

I tend to have 2 problems...

1) I dun like to stay at home. I dunno why... I am a homely person. I hate the weather now, it is too damn hot outside and I perspire like crazy. I hate spending too much money on petrol and food etc when I was outside... But I just dun wanna go home... I think it might be because I have nothing much to say to my parents and my siblings had married and moved out... And my parents might just start talking about me anytime... So, I ended up cooped in my room with the aircon, cable and laptop on and logged on to IRC chatting to the guys on #blowingwind... So in the end, I tend to want to stay out till very late... and then just return home to shower and sleep... Haiz...

2) I dun wanna sleep... I dunno why... I LOVE to sleep... I am tired and I wanna sleep... But when it is time to sleep, I dun want to do it. I will struggle to log off IRC or switch off the tv... I am not sure if it really is work... I had began to
develop an idea that sleeping is a waste of time... Like there are plenty of stuff to do and sleeping just prevents me from doing them... And also... once I wake up, it is time to go to work!... Double haiz...

What is wrong with me??? Now in office, I WANNA sleep... Sheesh...

Think I will actually go home early today... Had not been meeting the guys for dinner/supper since lunch on Sunday... Feels weird... But I think everyone's a little tired and worn out by the weather... Just wondering if I will actually sleep early, before 12mn, I mean...