Depression setting in... again...
Somehow... I let depression sneak into my life again...
Suddenly, I seem to be overwhelmed by a lot of problems... And these problems are seemingly small, unimportant and even, non-existent, to some people... But to me, they are now as real as everything... I guess this is what depression is about... We are unable to resolve things that to many other people are common or even non-existent... And other people do not understand...
And I think about death more frequently than I think about sex now... Hahaha... And to think that some research showed that men think about sex every 9 (or was it 6?) minutes and someone mentioned that gay men will think more!...
It seemed to be the one way to solve a lot of problems... And especially since I get upset so easily by so many things... I can't find any easy way to solve them... I was even contemplating of telling a couple of closer friends my address so they can attend my wake if they find me missing for a few days...
But the good thing is, I am probably only having a case of mild clinical depression... like what I was diagnosed as having last year... Which means I am very likely to be able to keep my suicide tendencies in check...
Anyway... Friends may not necessarily useful in this situation... Some people are not good listeners, most people do not understand depression... In fact, sometimes, sufferers of depression will also advise one another to 'look on the bright side' and 'cheer up' (But it is not so simple...)... Some people are also scared of friends who needs emotional support... After all, it takes a lot of energy to look out for them... Also, re-iterating to them again and again the problems I seem to have will just drive them crazy after a while... No one can handle that kind of 'pressure'... even boy told me he feels very pressured whenever I told him my problems (which are bound to include some related to him)... Unless you are paid to do so, I think...
I wonder whether I should re-make my appointment to see the psychologist...
Anyway, thanks for reading...
posted by Buaya @ 11:05 AM
8 Comments:
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hi buaya!
not trying to sound like a uncle here, although i do feel like onenow (my 25th birthday is coming end of this month.. oh it's the 10th anniversary liao)
I am here to share with you that I used to have some form of a depression too. really serious and i was really at the bottom of things too.. there are times when I got afraid looking at the task list of my PDA and I threw it away into a river. I forget the task I have just done 10 minutes ago and I went on doing it again..and I was like a zombie not concentrating on anything.. I even put on a lot of weight
but you have to understand everything that you are to handle or settle are supposed to be challenges that you must overcome. If there are too many, just set priorities and do the most important one first.
remember everyone have their own issues and it's not just you that is facing problems
I know you are a very positive and fun loving person and will handle the situation well, BUT just to mention that death is never an option. if you do that you will cause depression to your family too, for the rest of their lives
maybe you can try to find something more meaningful to do like helping at orphanage's homes.... to try out something you have not done before. like signing up for rock climbing?.... or go for some motivation talk and set a target for you to work towards
Life is beautiful, never make it seem otherwise
If you need you can always ask me out for a chat. will not teach you what to do, just to let you share your thoughts.. or if you prefer sgboy will be around to help you too :P
oh, we will want to be treated to an expensive restaurant for dinner after that
well some times spurring money does help too..
good luck, like always
Leon
Thanks, Leon, for the encouragement... :)
Funny how I think about death all the time especially at night when I cannot sleep. I will drift into thoughts of death, will picture myself in coffin arms folded on my belly not breathing slowing rotting away.We all will die so I think we should let dead take its natural course, living is great there are ups and downs, I know the latter is tough but what goes down must go up again.
Yes I am very free if you need a listening ear, yes I Love to talk but I am also a very good listener just like sex I "give" as well as I "take"
Let's set it up
oh the reply was really very signature tune of sgboy.. his can of humour.. I had a good laugh...
Let's do it :)
Thanks...
But it is kinda strange for meet to meet guys I had never met before (the BW gathering did not count) and then start talking about what I see as problems... Hahaha... :p
Coffee might be good enough...
Anyway, my email and msn is ibuaya@gmail.com if they are easier to set a time up... :p
It is indeed strange..
two of us are going to meet a big buaya.. have to be on the alert!
haha...
actually after reading your blog, we seemed to have know you as a person liao
:)
Sundays to Tuesdays after working hours are good for me... :p
Email me lah... :p
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