Guilt
*Sigh*...
I am not supposed to write about this... but I feel a need to talk about it... Life is so miserable...
I was involved in a short lived 'extramarital affair'... Ya, ya... I was romantically involved with another man... And I hurt him in the end... And I feel so so guilty...
Primarily, it is because I cannot love him as much as he loves me, or that I cannot love him the way he wanted... He is such a nice gentleman, with all the qualities that will guarantee a life of happy 'marriage' to him... But alas, it was not to be for me... I realised that I had changed so much through the years that I am unable to be what I used to be already. I am no longer the innocent love-seeking guy anymore...
And also, I feel guilty about having to share my love. It is unfair to him and to my boy as well... I had been too selfish. Because I am able to separate sex and love, I was able to have fun without any much guilt. But this time round, I play with my heart. I fell in love. And I am extremely guilty about it. Damn ME!
Oh well... I decided to cut loose. I am hurting him a lot. And I love him enough not to want to hurt him. He can find someone so much better than me who can provide him 100% of what he wants easily. Though he says he can accomodate me, I know deep inside him, he will ever be in pain inside. Thus, I had to be hard hearted and rejected him...
*Sigh* It is the first time I ever have to 'dump' someone... I am so so so tired... I was crying but I know it is for the best, especially for him...
I miss him. *Sigh*...
posted by Buaya @ 9:34 AM
8 Comments:
That is for the best, I guess.
Not fair to all 3 sides...
Since it is short-lived, I hope both of you get over it soon and have a better life ahead.. :)
Hope you will feel better soon. Glad that you give a break into the affair.
Chinese old said "Short pain is better than long" I think you have make the right decision. God bless you!!
Now that you know the power of hurt, I hope you don't do it again.
hmm i guess cutting loose in the preliminary stage is still better than suffer in the end.
he is nice person, i do hope the friendship can remain...
always
eddie
oh no,
drama minggu ini.
Please do not attempt something too extraordinary, where at the end of the day ... u know what happen. Hurt all three.
And i think it's happening already.
May you go thru this phase peacefully.
I know it hurts, but you made the right decision. It will hurt even more for the both of you if this was to drag longer.
*hugs*
astroboyx: I was in that situation and I made the same choice. It's not easy but try to move on..
That's a good move. It is a better solution to this situation and best for all the three of you. Hope you are fine now.
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