Mentally tired

Hmm... Do you sometimes get mentally tired out? And you wish everything will stop?

Last night, I was in the chatroom and the guys were having fun disguising as 'bears' talking to one another and I was trying to guess who is who... when suddenly, it just popped up... The thought of me getting very mentally tired out... I dunno what I was doing... And then I remembered my friend, AB, who blogged about feeling on the outside when you are inside. No, not talking about sex lah... But talking about the feeling of not knowing what your friends are talking about, about the feeling of not being involved in their activities, about not being involved in their conversations etc...

I know I am asking for too much... The guys are great! They had tried to involve me in a lot of activities, especially NFB... But somehow, last night, I just suddenly felt AB's feelings very strongly. I just quit the chatroom thereafter... Usually, I am one of the last to log off, leaving somewhat unwillingly, when it is really late and time for me to sleep... But I just feel the need to log off suddenly last night... CB was worried about me and asked me if I was ok... I guess I didn't realise that what I did might hurt people...

And so, I wanna apologise...

Anyway, I almost didn't get to sleep last night... I was tossing and turning in bed. A lot of stuff went through my mind... I was wondering what happened and why did I gave up quite a lot of other friends, whom I had made through years of being in the hobbies together, and why did I ignore my hobbies and no longer spends as much as time on my hobbies as I used to... And I began to think of my friends and their relationships with their families, particularly with their mothers and I began to ask why was I no longer spending as much time with my family as before...

I dunno... I guess I am a little mentally tired out... Blown out, I guess...

Sorry, the first post after I had not posted for some time and it had to be such a post...

Thanks for reading...