Peak again...

Well... It is time for a work peak again... :p

I hope this is not as bad as previous... I had prepared for it...

So... I might not be active for the next few days to next few weeks...

But I had pre-scheduled some posts... Hope you readers will like them... :)

Wish me luck with work!

Enough is enough?...

I was on MC and my boss asked his secretary to call me back... and in his words 'or else, don't ever come back'... to be scolded for something I never realised I did wrongly...

I was back and we talked about the mistake... Ok... there were shouting... My colleagues thought a war was going on as they had never heard anyone else shouting from his office except him... And in the end I told him to go find someone to replace me.

I really cannot take it anymore.

He called me when I was on leave, when I was on MC. For what? For the slightest thing that is not to his fancy.

His behaviour had just added more stress onto me... Now I actually dun wanna go to bed... Cos the next morning, I know I will have to wake up and go to work. If I am on leave or MC, I will actually subconsciously wake up early, to check my handphone, to make sure I don't see a missed call from him or a message from his secretary to 'Call boss immediately'...

After telling him that he needs to find someone to replace me, his tone changed... almost immediately... Now he is pretending he had not heard what I said... And laid plans for me for next year...

What the...

*Sigh*

Anyway, boy and all are asking to seriously consider my thought to quit soon and instead, search and confirm a job before quitting... Anyway, my boss will be changed come year end and some of them asking me to wait and see if the new boss is good or not... In fact, my current boss himself is asking me to stay and see if this new boss is reliable or not... AFTER I told him to find someone to replace me...

What should I do? Endure? I am so afraid I cannot take it anymore and go crazy, do something stupid to myself or him...

*Sigh*

Pfft...

No... Not farting silently...

Just my balloon de-gassing...

Sianz...

Been stressed out by work... Got headache from work and left office last week... Then last night can't sleep... And this morning got headache again...

Boss ranted at me again... I am getting the hint that he tot my work 'attitude' is not very good... taking MC etc... But then again, he is the type that takes 0 or 1 day MC per year and come back office to work when he is on leave on weekends... So... Every one is a slacker to him...

But I really felt it this time... I really felt that I dun really belong here... Too many people seeing me as a pseudo-enemy to their climb up the corporate ladder... And I am not even THAT good... *duh*

Anyway... No mood leh...

Started a couple of topics to post but cannot finish either... Haiz...

Sorry for seeing this ranting... :p

Thanks for reading...

Back?

Hi guys... Firstly I would like to apologise for my disappearance... A lot had been happening for the past 2 months for me...

As I returned to the Island after my holiday with boy, I was immediately pulled into swirl of work and preparation for CNY. There suddenly seem to have a lot to do and I was simply exhausted... I thought I can rest during CNY but alas... I ended up sleeping late and waking up early daily during the CNY period...

After my CNY holiday, I went back to work only to face the full wrath of this storm/typhoon/hurricane known as 'My boss'... He just battled extra workload, verbal insults etc on me and indeed pushed me to my edge... I was feeling immensely pressured and my depression came back. With full force.

I began to think of quitting to save my life as I was losing my ability to handle my emotions and was beginning to think of suicide to end everything.

Then somehow, I thought I better be doing something I like and began to think about opening a 私房菜馆 or a small eatery since I enjoyed cooking very much. It is now a goal which I want to attain... Waiting to build up capital or finding sugar daddies to invest now, I guess... :p

I talked to my boss one day, as I was seriously thinking of going away before I hang myself in my office. He took my intention to leave rather cooly but asked me to stay on. 'For my own sake', he said... And he promised to keep his temper in check... 'So long as I work to keep deadlines and his 'face' (面子) in mind' for my work...

I thought about things and I agreed that leaving now, especially on impulse, is definitely not good. I should and can learn more things if I stay a little longer...

So, wish me luck! I definitely hope I can have the time and energy (and life!) to blog more often now...

Oh... I brought anpther group of BW guys to some farms over the past weekend... Will post the writeup soon...

Thanks for reading! :)

Searching for new job...

I screwed up big time... *Sigh*...

And I realised that a big reason is that I cannot have enough confidence... Of myself, of my knowledge of the system and my project etc... I cannot understand what the big boss wants and do a present the ideas to management...

I seriously think I am not suitable for whatever I am doing now and perhaps the best thing is to leave... And find something that I can do well...

Obviously I cannot perform in this job as expected... I might as well leave with grace and buy myself some dignity back...

Anyone has any decent paying decent jobs to offer?...

*Sigh*

Migraine...

Sigh... It is confirmed... I have migraine now... The pain is one sided and it extends to behind the eyes and I always feel like vomitting when it occurs... At times, the pain is so bad I actually will involuntarily cry...

And my boss is complaining that I am falling sick because of this...

Really sian... he is the one that caused me to have migraine with all the stress somemore...

Sigh...

Busy busy busy...

Till I almost die...

Arrgh!!... No time to read BW, no time to write stories... No time to even go toilet...

So tired at night but cannot sleep... :(

Screwed up quite badly yesterday at work... Sianz...

*Phew*

In reference to my earlier posting... I just found out from a colleague that the bonus payout was delayed... And from the increment amount I get, I should have a bonus... We will just have to wait and see WHEN they are paying...

*Phew*... At least now, I just have to hold payment for as long as I can do reasonably so...

KNS!...

Arrgh!!!~

Was informed some months ago that I will be getting my bonus this month... And I JUST realised that I am NOT getting any!!

*Sh!t!!*...

And I actually made monetary committments liao!

I am fried now lor...

Bad temper...

I had been extremely bad tempered towards boy lately... It just seems like he is purposely irritating me... And going against whatever I asked him to do... Everything I like or want, he dun like or dun want etc...

And then we quarrelled over whether to go for short holiday nearby... In the end I think I will go with my friends instead...

Most likely in late July... Just over a weekend... To somewhere nearby...

Could be the weather making me irritable... Could be my job... Dunno exactly why lah... But I will always be happy to see him but the moment he sees me, he starts to irritate me... And recently, he has so many OTs... I also dunno if it is true...

Then I also realised that sometimes, people read one of your actions or intentions wrongly and interprets in another way and then all hell will break loose... And sometimes, you dun even know it is happening... This is a sad and political world afterall, isn't it?

And then there are so many people these days... They just want everything to be done according to THEIR way... I had seen a friend's blog being left nasty comments that are unwarranted just because the fellow reads my friend's blog and is not happy with what he is writing and thinks he 'hao lian'... And of course I encountered people throwing nasty comments at me just because I stood up and tell bloggers what they did was wrong in the comments... What is wrong with people these days??? Cannot take comments, cannot take criticism, cannot take alternative views, cannot tolerate people's views, writings, believes, capabilities... etc... Urrgh!!!...

Sigh... Anyway, I am trying to relax and calm down and not be bothered... With boy and all...

Trying to relax in this crazy world and weather...

And look forward to a farm trip this coming weekend! :)

Thanks for reading... Will post pictures of the trip... :)

Just wondering...

If I am to quit my job, how would I shift my things from my (office)room back to my (bed)room...

Should I hold a office garage sales? Hahaha...

I am just doing the pre-planning... Afterall, my target is to quit before the beginning of June this year... Kekeke...

I need sleep...

Arrgh!... Blogger did not upload my previous post!... Grr... Need to re-type! Grr...

Today I am supposed to be working as my boss asked me to work on something over the weekend so we can discuss it on Monday... But I was working on an event on Sat and today's Mothers' Day... Where got time???

I will just have to try to work on it tomorrow... which is the beginning of yet another BUSY week!... This will continue to another 2 weeks!... *Sigh*...

When can I resign??? I sure look forward to it... I am falling sick so easily now... Lack of sleep and work stress is doing me in... And my temper is HORRIBLE now... Boy is not very happy with me as I constantly get angry over nothing nowadays... He understands but he is not happy about it...

Oh well...

I better sleep... Tomorrow will be another day to show off my dark eye rings and puffy eyes... :p

This is your blogger, Panda Eyes, speaking...

Ya... Soon, Buaya will be known as Panda Eyes!...

*Sigh*... This month is a horrible horrible month... There aer so so so many things to do at work! I had been working for all 7 days last week and am actually expected to do so for this week and the next...

*Arrgh!*... When will I be able to quit? I certainly do not want to die from work stress!... I had not been able to sleep well at all and I wake up in the morning feeling like I had not slept a wink...

Oh well... Back to work now... Some girl just sent me an email and then immediately followed by a call asking me if I had seen her email!... *Grrr...*

Oh, on a lighter note, Blowing Wing is having its 2nd anniversary before the month's end and they are having this award thingie... See if you are interested to vote... :) Not shameless advertsing ah... Though the Buaya got a nomination... Just sharing the fun...

Anyway, the prelim results show that I am not even in the top 3... So, there's no point voting for me lah... :p Just join in the fun if you have been reading Blowing Wind. :)

Ok ok... Buaya with panda eyes reporting back to work... *Grrr...*...

Zombie-ing around...

Been busy with work... And down with flu... Probably due to running to hospital while boy's there...

So, I had been zombie-ing around... Not thinking much too... Just too mentally and physically tired...

I had been having cases of migraine-like headaches on and off recently and the doctor had diagnosed them as migraine... Sian... Another reason to quit my job...

So, guys, so so sorry, I think I can only write the interesting stuff after I had quit...

Tada...

I am typing this message now in office and I am half naked...

LOL... I was NOT having sex lah! I am just cooling down after a WHOLE day of hard labour... Working full day today and persipiring badly... Drank water like nobody's business and pee only twice... Still drinking water... Felt so dehydrated...

So took off my tee and sitting in my chair, typing this message in only my jeans... Sexy? :p

Heh heh...

Need to go out liao... Will type some more nonsense some other time... :p I need to sleep tomorrow... :p

Made up my mind...

Yup... I am applying for the job that I had wanted to apply many many years ago... By tonight, my application form should be sent to them...

Hopefully, I had made the right choice...

In fact, I felt better after I started filling up the form...

Can't wait for it to happen... Though, seriously speaking, I will miss the extra money... :p

Dilemma

I want to find a new job... But that means I will have to suffer a 30% pay cut. And it will take a several years for me to work back up to my current pay...

But this current job is killing me...

And the new job had always been my calling...

How?... :/

And I need to decide before mid-March...

Buaya at work

type type type...

Ya, at office... very cold somemore... wanna have sex to keep warm... :p

But need to finish work first!! :/

Depression setting in...

I almost cried in office today... I just suddenly feel like crying... There are too many things to do, too much expectations... Boy also know I am very stressed up by work... But he asked me to hang in there till about a year... As otherwise, I might be labelled as a job hopper... I dun think I am one... But... Oh well, I just wondered how long more can I stand my job... I also dun have time to write my stories and do cleaning for CNY!!... :(

Oh, btw, should I change this blog to the new Blogger version? Hmm...

Stressed out...

by work...

I am totally stressed up. I'm fucked...

I wanna quit... But had not found a new job cannot quit... And also dunno what to do...

Where's my sugar daddy ticket to taitai-dom? :(