Dear all...

Thank you all for your concern.

I have rationalized this and am feeling better. No point thinking too much and hurting my mental health.

I must thank the friends who called or sms me and showed me your concerns. I am really touched. Thank you. Really.

Boy took the intiative to contact me and asked me out for dinner. He knows I was angry and upset and was trying to make it up. He ws trying to cheer me up...

I don't know... I am what they will call a 贱骨头 bah... I am already starting to soften my stand...

我戒不了他...

I am in depression again?

I suddenly feel very lonely... I see couples, I see friends... And I just feel very lonely...

I want to cry, I feel like crying... I feel bad. I need release these emotions. I need a hug.

I think I am really seeping into depression again... I dun wanna again feel like killing myself...

:(

A letter to my boy

I had actually written a similar letter to him... Something similar, but this one is more serious... I dunno if I should send this to him...

I really am quite depressed now... Feel like crying... I need to see my psychologist again!... :(

>>>>>
Dear xxx

Is it time for me to move on? It seems that you had been creating opportunities for me to move on.

How many times had I told you what will piss me off? How many times had we argued about what makes me angry? How many times had I complained about the lack of affection from you? How many times my intuition had came true? How many times had I hinted to you not to take me for granted? How many times had I hinted that I don’t feel loved? At all?

Ask yourself… search within yourself…

I think you actually don’t love me at all. You are probably just getting used to me being around and available and be there whenever you need someone. To either protect you or to help you in one way or another. I think you are comfortable and thought you loved me. Actually, you just want me to be around.

You yourself said you were too hurt by your last relationship to put all your heart and soul into this one. You said you understand that I love you a lot. I had also told you that you are the most important person in the world for me. You said you feel very bad that you cannot love me more than I love you. You said you are afraid of being hurt by love again.

Come to think of it, I seriously think you are cheating yourself. You are wasting your time and my time. Every time I bring up this topic, you will apologize and then say that you really love me and will not leave me. But how can someone who claims to love the other person not think about him? You can pull through days without giving me a call. You probably don’t know that because I will call you at the end of the day. If I don’t call, you will not. I really feel stupid.

I was depressed because of you and have to see a psychologist, but you don’t seem to care less. You let me catch you once and again with your rendezvous and your lying. I actually will not mind if you are having flings outside. The problem is you are not interested to have sex with me whenever I asked. But you will be doing it outside, with strangers. I used to think that the most important thing is that you know how to go home and remember who the husband is. But I now think sex is very important in a relationship. If you are not having it with me but with other people, I really don’t see how you can claim to love me and why we should still be together as a couple. You are making me more depressed, not the other way round like you said I was giving you pressure. If you feel that I was giving you pressure, maybe you should seriously re-consider your declared so-called love for me.

You had also once and again shown that I am not important to you at all. You indulge in activities that take up your time and prevents us from meeting on weekends. You claim these activities are ‘once in a blue moon’ but if you stepped aside and count the number of such events, it is ridiculous. How can a 30+ year old man behave like a teenage girl and do silly embarrassing things and being obsessed with the wrong things and not accept the truth? You even resort to lying to me to get to these activities too!

I had told you my intuition is often very accurate. I can read your thoughts and actions and know what you were saying is the truth. Can you at least take the effort to lie better? At least it will make me less suspicious and happier?

I really don’t know what to do. Should I ignore you like what you are doing now? Ignoring me?

I really feel like giving up. I just feel like crying.

My depression is coming back.

Thank you.
>>>>>

I was very angry with boy...

Yup! Very angry...

The same story goes... We were supposed to meet. He called and said he was tired, better not meet and I have to work the next day, no point... etc etc...

Then I tried calling and he said he was at City... a good 2hrs after he knocked off... And 2 hours later I called and he could not be reached... Then I called again and he rejected my calls... And then his phone was switched off... And when I finally get through again near mid-night, he was still outside! And he told me he 'did not hear' his phone ringing... Hng!! Dunno what he was doing outside so late when he was supposed to be 'tired'!

Anyway, we had not had sex for a month liao... And I dun feel it because of this incident... Sian... And he seems happy I was not asking for it...

I am seeking...

... a fluffer... :p

Ya, I am going to take some nude pics... Before I grew too fat and too old... And I need at least 1 fluffer to help keep little Buaya perked up throughout the shoot... :p

And I am considering posting some of the cropped pics... Hee...

Any serious volunteers? :p

I need a massage...

Body so tired... and my feet... my poor feet... :(

Had not had a good foot reflextology for a long time... They need to be pampered... But it is SO expensive to sign the package for the foot reflextology and the massuers ther can talk their way to make you feel guilty if you did not sign the package... *Sigh*... Should I spend the money and start the cycle again?...

And I need sex... Or rather I need to fuck... Fuck my boy, that is... So long never see him naked and rim him to get him ready for servicing... :p

Burnt out...

Ya... I think I am burnt out... I am having doubts of my ability at work liao... My bosses seem to think too highly of me, expecting quite a lot... And I am really burnt out... Very tired...

I REALLY NEED A BREAK... :(

I am writing again...

Yes, I intend to re-start my History, my sextory again... I think I was drafting my Reservist encounters until work bogged me down... Workload's still high, but it is clearing... Hopefully, I have the time to finish writing the reservist segment before CNY... :p

There are many more chapters on my History to go... Stay tuned. :)

Record no more...

Hee... :p

Let me count ah... From 2nd Jan to 13th Jan... That's 11.5 days... :p

But it's so silly... Cos the result was so... you know... *Chey!*... No big deal... :p

There was no river of hot cum, no fountain of man juice, no flooding and no drowning... It was just JO and the usual shooting... Usual amount too... Wasted my effort... Hahaha... :p

So, I think there's no to try to break this record liao... :p Better just cum when there's an opportunity... :p

Someone was asking for the links...

... to the 2 videos I mentioned in the previous post... :p

So here they are... HK Bus and HK Street

Hope you guys can see them... :p

Anyway, today's the 11th day and I really want or need a blowjob!... Either that or I will JO tonight liao... How to tahan?? :p Cock's getting hard just typing this... Think kept for too long liao! LOL! Sian... Need to work tomorrow... So, cannot go some place to relax...

10th day and almost couldn't make it...

Hahaha...

Was so busy today! Worked till way past dinner time... Aircon went off early and came back half an hour before I left... Weird...

Anyway, as I finished my work, I noticed some links to some vids and managed to enjoyed some nice shows... Woot! There was a guy who JO-ed and cummed publicly in HK!! So daring! *drool*...

And I managed to get a healthy hard hardon... And of course, after 10 days, really easy to cum... Luckily, managed to hold the horses... Heh heh...

I wanna wait till past 10 days leh... :p See how long more I can last... I got a feeling if I did not get a wet dream tonight, I will sure shoot tomorrow... Haha... How to tahan for so long???

Anyway, already break my own record of not ejaculating liao... :p

9th and counting...

Heh heh... Almost couldn't make it to the 9th day though! Hahaha... Some naughty cute guy was tempting me via the MSN earlier...

Heading to the 10th day!! I wonder if I can make it to the weekend, though! Hahaha... I AM damn horny... Feeling better now and if not for work, I will be only holding the record for 9.5 days! Hahaha...

8th day..

... and hopefully still be able to count... Hee... I am already so tempted to ejaculate... :p

Hmm... Maybe I will try to hit 14 days... Wonder if it is possible...

I tried...

to get aroused, that is... :p

But no can do... just not hard enough and was so tired halfway through... I am still not feeling well... so... Oh well, no point lah... So I decided to just try to keep breaking my record... LOL!... So, today is my 7th day of no ejaculation...

But tell you... Today, I keep seeing cute and handsome men around! Think I am getting horny... Sheesh...

And heh heh... Caught Qi Yu Wu (715) on the Channel 8 new drama... He was naked!!.. Well, the TV made us think he was... Showed his hip bones from the front side and the top of his butt curves... OMG!!! That bod!!... I was drooling and almost died on the spot!... Heh heh... I am sick leh... so, heartbeat too fast, I will exhausted one lor... Haha...

Oh, how I wish I can have 715 in my arms and in bed with me... Fucking one another till we shoot on each others' bodies and rubbing the cum all over us as we hug and kissed somemore and fuck each other for the 2nd, 3rd and nth time... Hee...

Guess I better rest instead... :p

6 days...

... and how many more can I...

... not ejaculate? :p

Ya... Just realised I had not had sex or masturbated since I enjoyed my right hand (ya, I am a right hander... :p)on New Year's Day... I think it is partly due to my horrible work load and my getting sick now... Had not seen my dick in its full hard glory for so many days... LOL... Quite unbelievable, Buaya standard... Hee...

And the thing is, I never have a wet dream/involuntary ejaculation, even with so many days of no voluntary ejaculation... :p I wonder how it feels like... I had erotic dreams before... just no night emissions... :p

Anyway, I dun think 6 days is a record for me... But I cannot remember how many days was my record... At least 7-10, I think... Based on NS records... :p I will see if I can hit 10-14 days this time... Haha... Difficult... But with work piling up and no chance of it clearing up in the near future... MAYBE I can make it at least 10 days... Hee...

Sore throat now...

Ya... After starting to feel burnt out, I think I am really burnt out... Having sore throat now and feeling feverish... Damn sian... Cannot take MC due to busy work schedule... Tomorrow morning also need to wake up early... Think will see a doctor and get some medicine... Sian...

Btw, talk about something happier... how many of you watch the CNA news? There's a CNA reporter that I noticed over the past few months, Wong Mun Wai, whom I think is VERY cute... Anyone also noticed him? :p My type, definitely... LOL!!...

Burnt out...

I think I am burnt out...

I was (and am still) so overworked... No time to go toilet, no time to eat lunch... I broke my record (and possible my company's record for admin people like me) for staying the latest... I shan't tell you the time... Remember, office boys like me dun need to stay late at all in the first place!...

I still need to work tomorrown (Saturday) and next weekend (including Sunday)... *Sigh*... And I can't sleep well and I need to rest... I am now always feeling shaky and giddy and have headaches and just generally feel so sick...

I need to rest... But no time for it... :(

And I wish my boy can understand and be loving etc... He always seem to think my office boy job is very shake legs one... Oh well... At least now we are trying the open-up-and-talk approach... Seems to be ok...

Blog's 1st year anniversary soon...

Ya... I started this blog in January 2006. The 26th, I think, to be precise (My first post)... :p

Should I do a campaign or something to mark this anniversary? :p

January is also the anniversary of me and my boy... Oh boy... Starting our 4th year soon...

And now January is one of the most busiest periods at work... Cannot take leave and must multi-task jialat jialat till the last week of January... Looking forward to taking leave in early to mid-Febuary... :p

Happy New Year!!!

Happy 2007!!!

:)

Had a good time trying to squeeze with THOUSANDS of people at the Marina area to catch the fireworks... Boy was leading the way and we were holding hands almost throughout the whole show...

The thing was... I JUST found out he was trying to meet new people all the while... exchanging people and arranging to meet... Found out accidentally... He however, defended himself that he does not have AJ friends and he needs friends... was a little fed-up with me but he had not had sex with those he met... I asked him to seriously consider his so-called love for me and asked him to make sure he was not wasting both our time...

In the end, he said he definitely love me and will not leave me... But he did say it's probably time for us to explore more common interests and hobbies...

I think I will want to introduce my AJ friends to him... Anyone wanna know him? :p But cannot say know me from my blog ah... LOL! I will just let him be lah...

Anyway, I think and I hope our relationship will just get better in 2007... :)