Clarification

A friend asked me to post some clarifications on what was going on... Here goes:

1) Me and my boy are still very much in love and very well together.

2) We may have some sexual mismatch. My sex drive is very high and he either has a very low sex drive or he has to have some fresh meat outside.

3) I am not soliciting for sex. I was just saying that if if this is going to go on, I might have to engage the sevices of a couple of sex buddies to satify myself.

Anyway, I let my boy took control now. He gets to decide whether we are making love etc... I won't want to ask for it, anymore. That will cause us both less pain and frustration and irritation...

That night, I let him decide and take over. He decides that we are to make love and the positions he want, the speed of things to go, etc... In the end, both of us have a wonderful time. I never climax as much as that night. Never since I get past my mid-teens had I shot my load so far! ")

My conclusion? In order to make life better for the both of us, I will not pursue the frequency of sex with him anymore. If he does not want to make love, and I get too horny and JO-ing does not help anymore, I MIGHT enlist the help of buddies... My first choice is still to have sex with him, second is to JO and only when I cannot tahan then I will find sex outside...'~'

Hope this has clarified some issues. :)

Gimme gimme...

Err... I was offered the hand... Very tempting, haha... The fella got someone to help him evetually... *Phew!*...

No sex... Getting horny... And upset...

Ok... What will you do if your boyfriend unofficially 'declares' sex only once every 2 weeks?

We had not made love for about 2 weeks... And when I asked my boy if we can make love sometime early next week, I got scolded. :( :( :(

Actually, I was very upset. It is not that he does not get horny. I mean, he had regular sex partners, whom he used to have sex with, beside, with just me, as recently as before Christmas last year!... If he had promised not seeing them again, and staying sexually faithful to me. Doesn't that mean he would seek more sex from me?? But, ever since then, we had just been having less sex instead!... I am very upset! I don't know how to let him know that I am horny and upset. And there are lots of temptation outside!...

:(

Busy busy busy

Sheesh... I was so busy, I have no time to post!... And I suffered a terrible backache! It was so bad I almost could not walk... Went to Mr Tery Teo for a massage. I must say, he is very professional... And he can be quite cute to talk to. We have a little generation gap but he is oh so inquisitive... Haha... He asked about me and my boy and then actually show me his boy's photo... It was so sweet, as the pic showed the both of them posting for the camera... How I wish I can still be attached at his age... And hopefully to the same boy!

Oh, talking about my boy... He's out again... with his friends... I am learning to not to ask too much and just let him be. To try to trust him when he says he is really just going out with friends and watching midnight show with them. Images still pop up that it is a 'he' he is meeting and the midnight show is actually a 'porn show' but I am actively trying to shelf those thoughts.

Lesson learnt, at the start of a relationship, talk to each other about fidelity issues and lay ground rules if an open relationship is the way to go. If you choose a closed and mono-relationship, trust your partner. If you suspect, ask. But you must be able to take the result. I sort of regretted I found the truth... But my love for my boy is strong enough to want to trust him again. I just wish he is as trustworthy as he promised he will be. Anyway, he promised he will stay mono and I have to shelf all my negative thoughts and trust him!

Note to myself: Trust!! That's the key to a healthy relationship. As well as a good mental health! Haha...

Tight leh...

Would you wear pants too tight? :p

I saw this guy in the train... He looks, err... Not my type... But his crotch is interesting... Haha... His jeans are SO tight there, I can actually make out his cock shape! And with his every move, his cock becomes more obvious...







I was like... 'Oh my...' and become trigger happy... Be careful of the stuff your pants are showing... Unless you are doing it on purpose... :p

I am falling sick...

The weather had taken its toll on my health... I am subcumming to the changing and hot weather... My throat was sore when I woke up and my joints hurt... Hopefully, I will feel better by the end of the day... I am meeting my boy after work...

These 2 days I found myself surrounded by cute guys... All good looking, with nice bodies and dresses well... I think I am getting horny... And my boy don't want to make love this week... Cham!... Think I will be jerking off alone to mindless scenes of fucking and sucking...

Hmm... And I am thinking of exploring the other side of my, err...sexual ability... I feel like buying a dildo and try it on myself... Heh heh... But I am wondering what my boy till think if he ever finds out or how to bring the 'thing' for washing after use or where to hide the 'thing' when it is not in use! Haha...

Back to normal transmission...

Hi guys... I think I better go back to 'normal transmission'... :)

I had decided to let my boy do whatever he wants. For me, although this time it seems like it is a case of me thinking too much, it actually is a case of once bitten twice shy. Anyway, after talking to him, I had decided to just give him the space he required. IF he ever was found out again that he is playing outside, I will not probably will just let him be and then I will also probabbly just relax and see if I can get some myself...

ANYWAY, let me tell you guys something... :p

I was at a library checking out the Internet. I noticed that there was a young man using the terminal beside me. After a while, I did notice he was like pressing against his lower abs area and was figetting around. I looked over secretly and noticed that he was like holding on to his hard cock through his berms! I cans ee the tent made by the hard cock and the cock outline when he squeezed the erection once in a while. He was pressing his hand on his cock once in a while... I looked at his screen and he was reading some sleazy blog entries by some women... Later, he was checking out some pics of some girls... But as there were some people walking by, he soon sat upright and stopped his squeezing and rubbing... But still I must although the show was short and he does not look cute, it sure gave me a hard on looking at him go at it... Haha...

Reminded me of muy own incident when I was JO-ing inside my school's computer room. There were people in the room but just not sitting along my row... I actually managed to get myself to cum several times into some tissue paper... Heh heh... I wonder now, whether anyone of the guys felt strange when they smelled the usualy semen smell... Haha... :p

Had you done something like that too? :)

No more issue...

Ok. I am SO sorry for making you guys read those stuff recently...

I managed to find my boy and I told him we need to talk. After talking, he finally admitted that he is definitely NOT seeing anyone for sex. He rejected thoughts of an open relationship and agreed that if ever there is a need for him to obtain sexual relieve outside, he will somehow let me know, though not directly. I tend to agree that it is difficult to tell your boyfriend that you need other men for their meat!...

As such, I will take a step back, take a good look at myself. I think I might have over reacted and read him a little too far. It might be better to just let him be. If I had not approached the issue with 'caution' but instead treated him with absolute trust like before, both of us would feel better.

Now, to solve the issue of my 'over-the-top' sex drive...

Let me know...

My boy cannot be found... I am so fed up... I want to give him freedom but all I want is to have him let me know what is going on. I told him if he needs sexual freedom, just let me know. We can always work things out...

Let me ask this to you guys... What do you think about open relationships? How would you like it if your boyfriend asks for an open relationship? How do you react when your boyfriend cannot be found and because you are in an open relationship, you know very probably he is having sex? Let me know what you guys think...

Made up?

Well... I cannot prove whether he is seeing others for sexual relieve... But that is no longer important... At least until the next time there is suspicious behaviour again...

Well, I told him that I will love him for the lifetime. He knows I will not leave him... I told him I will be there for him, no matter what. He is my baby and it is my job to make him happy. I simply wish him to be happy always.

I also let him know that if he has any problems, he should always let me know. I hinted that I am not talking about financial problems (!! :p !!) but related to sexual problems... I said there was nothing we cannot make adjustments for. It was most important that he is happy and we are together. He just hugged me... I had not felt that kind of hug for some time. That was the hug a baby will give his hubby... I felt loved and trusted again.

In my heart, I instantly forgave him for anything he MIGHT had committed. I felt so silly that I had MIGHT had been thinking too much, reading too deep...

Baby, Hubby love you!...

I was so fucked up...

Yah... I was supposed to meet my boy for a quick dinner today... Guess what? I booked a cab so I can get there in time. I was informed that a certain cab will arrive soon. The cab never arrive! I called back and the cab company tell me they cannot contact the driver!! I was SO angry!! I was left stranded and desperately trying to call for a cab!... I got a cab eventually... But I know I was going to be late...

On top of that, the jam was bad too...

He called me when I was half way there... He cannot wait any longer as he could be late for work and he has to start eating... By the time I rush over, he had finished his dinner... :(

He handed me my present and rushed off for work... I was very upset... And I was VERY VERY angry with the cab company... It is not the first time this cab company screwed up on me... I think I will write in to the company later...

On the other hand, I read his card and it made me smiled...

I still think he might be meeting other guys for the fresh meat but at least I think they are just meat to him... Let me see if I can get him to discuss this with me... I still need to settle this or it will drive me crazy later... At least if he finds it hard to control, we can lay some ground rules...

I love him... A lot! I wish him happiness.

Only he can make me happy...

This morning, he sent me a message, wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day... But it is part of a mass mailing message... That means some fella actually sent him that message early early and he edited it to send to me... Hmm!...

Anyway, we spoke... And upon hearing him and the way he talk, which is like there was nothing wrong, I feel SO MUCH better. I actually felt happy. I just can't bear to be angry with him anymore...

This is how much I love him...

I am going to find a way to be with him for a quick dinner later... Tomorrow then we celebrate Valentine's Day properly...

I just hope that all the while, it is just me thinking too much, reading too deep and feeling insecure. But I still think there is a need to let him know that I am once bitten twice shy and suspicious behaviour arouses appropriate suspicions... Whatever it is, I want to keep this relationship. If he needs sexual freedom, I guess we will have to compromise somehow... I better get a set of house rules ready...

Happy Valentine's Day, my dear...

I wished him 'Happy Valentine's Day.' I called him and he was working. He says he was very busy and has no mood. He didn't wish me back... Not at all...

He then tell me he want to go for a holiday, with or without me. He asked me how I would feel if he insist on leaving without me. I told him I will not be happy and I want to only go for a holiday in around July. He seems he is insistent he will leave with or without me...

I am very upset... I almost cried just before writing this... I think I should cry it out... I should feel better after that...

I felt so lonely, even though I am attached... :(

Wish me luck... He better wish me 'Happy Valentine's Day' later...

Article sharing

Interesting piece in Mandarin...

Rather meaningful...

「放不下」和「看不开」属人类潜意识中的劣根性之一。

就因为「放不下」和「看不开」不断地牵绊著，人往往必需经历很长的一段时间才能将自己从「过往」中释放出来。

说自己「放不下」，其实是舍不得忘却，即使痛得让自己难受，仍然想在其中找寻一些曾经拥有及值得保留的回忆，并且乐在其中。

至于「看不开」，是因为一开始已包含著一些寄望，所以不愿意走出自己所设下的憧憬，宁可被多方的苛责或羞辱，坚持已见也不愿忘却。

I love him...

I love my boy, a lot!...

Recently, however, I am seeing signs of him not being himself... I am very afraid he is fooling around with other men...

Actually, I do not mind if he is being honest. But he seems to be afraid of me knowing and thus finding ways of hiding it... It is driving me crazy. But I also wish that I am just thinking too much...

What to do???

A hypothertical question

I asked this... What happen if...

Your boyfriend says he is shopping for your Valentine's Day gift and so do not want to meet you. You called him and know he was out shopping early. He did not call you after that and did not answer your phone calls after that. After midnight, he calls you to say he fell asleep after going home and just woke up. He does not sound like he is sleepy and talked for more than half an hour before saying he wants to go back to sleep.

The next day, you meet him and he has a plaster on the side of his neck. He tells you he had cut himself before you even realise there was a plaster. The thing is the plaster is about 5-6cm from the chin and no one would shave there. He refuses to show you the wound even after you repeatedly asked to see the wound.

You ask to meet the next day and he gives several excuses to avoid meeting you.

How, what would you do?

Let me know your views...

:(

Tonight I felt VERY upset... Wonder whether I have the mood to continue looking for his Valentine's Day presents...

Butt, you are right in front of me...

Haha... Ya, I get to stare at this butt the whole journey back home today... I risk my arms and legs just to take the pic...



Not bad, I would say... I love executive wear... And I love 2 types of butts... The first is the flat butt, which shows off as almost no butt... Sexy! :p And the second is the Bubble butt... The very fuckable type... Good to grab and hold. :p

Oh, the flat type is usually not good to fuck... You tend to hit the pelvic bones and it will hurt after a while... Heh heh...

Anyway... The butt shown above belongs to this...



Nice back view eh? Then he turned around... Err... Next please! :p Haha... Not my type...

Oh, that reminds me... I once had a NS Boy standing in front of me... I almost cummed by the end of the journey... Haha... He looks very cute and he is so sexy in his uniform... And his butt looks so delicious... Too bad I did not take any pictures then...

Valentines' Day presents...

Headache time... I have no idea what to buy for my boy! He does not want soft toys anymore... Maybe I will settle for a shirt or a tee...

He is confirmed not spending Valentines' Day with me... Hmm... As usual... We had only celebrated the first Valentine's Day together... Ok lah... At least I don't have to spend too much money on the dinner on that day! Sheesh... The restaurants all trying to rob people ah on that day...

I REALLY miss my boy... Had not met him for 5 days liao... And I will also not be meeting him tomorrow... But we are not making love till next week... He's working over time this week and will be too tired for sex... Arrggh!.... :/

Wrong URL!

Haha... Some kind soul informed me that one of the signatures I use in one of the forums, which I post this blog's URL, actually points to a muslim site! Oops... Haha... No offense! Sorry! I made the changes after that! Imagine what happends when 1 alphabet got placed somewhere else besides where it should belong to!

I apologise to those inconvenieced by the wrong URL...

:p

Shuai ge...

Haha... While going home tonight, saw this handsome young shuai ge on the bus... He has a ring on his middle finger. I took a quick glance of him before I sat down and once in a while, took some opportunity to sneak a peek at him... Hey, he is also looking at me leh! Haha...

But I was unsure and changed my seat to behind him to prevent any misunderstandings... He IS cute and young... But what if he turns out to be straight and beng and then scolds me and bash me up?!? Haha... Not that I would do anything with him lah... But I am REALLY tempted to do something with him IF he did not alight earlier than me and instead, followed me and hinted to me... Especially if he is an ah beng! Haha... Seems like I am quite deprived...

Actually I AM deprived... of sex and 'romancing'... I needed a hug badly as I had not hugged my boy for a LONG time... I needed sex!! Not just my meaningless JO sessions alone... Arrggh!!... I am craving for some action... Kissing my boy, carassing him... I want to suck his cock SO BADLY... I want him to suck my cock VERY BADLY... I want to rim him and then... Haha... Oh my... I AM deprived!! I WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO MY BOY!!! Don't know when it will happen...

:p

What will you do?

My boy wants to go overseas... But I don't want to because of work and money issues... But he insisted and even suggested going alone... And he agreed that because of this, I can go Bangkok with my friends without him...

I was like, 'Huh? Does that not mean you don't really care what I do there anymore?'... I was not even thinking of who he MIGHT be going with OR meeting there...

Do you think I think too much into the situation? Maybe he just want to go there so badly, he don't mind travelling alone...

Arrggh!... Why is my boy SO darn stubborn... Why cannot wait for mid-year... I can go with him then...

I watched a silly movie on tv last night... I have no idea what the show is about... But halfway through, I caught this scene where the wife complains to the husband why he is not having sex with her for a whole month... She suspects he don;t love her anymore... In fact, the guy had no reaction after she kisses him... Later the guy promises sex the next night... Come next night, he was fantasizing that he was making out with the girl next door whom he just peeped changing!...

Now, just what is it about men? Why can't they just be as when they first knew their partners? In the beginning, my boy would initiate sex, talk about it and even sms me to do him... Now he tries to delay my requests, make no mention of it at all and even say he don't mind not doing it as 'love is more than sex'... Arrggh!... Is he loving me less? Is he still fooling around? Am I thinking too much into it again?...

You tell me...

I had been a good boy... Why am I so horny?

Heh heh... Why am I so horny? I JO almost daily and I am still so horny...

Today I suddenly find the men in my office so damn handsome and cute! Sheesh... And worse, when I am going home, the guys on the bus and train all look so cute!... Haha... I need my boy!

After window shopping at a shopping center, I have to go bake a cake before I go home. While waiting for an available cubicle, I managed to see a young fella standing right in front of me pissing. He pulled down his pants, took out his tool, shiedled himself from those at the basins (and thus facing me), and piss... Man, his tool! Another one of those 'showers'... Long and thick when not erect... Reminded me of the guy I saw a couple of days back (I blogged that earlier) but this is blackish and the previous one was fair... Nevertheless, it is long and thick... Damn sexy looking and the guy pulled on it further after pissing... Wah! My eyes were almost popping out! Haha...

I had been a good boy... I had not cruised or being cruised for a very long time... This is the longest period of time I had been mono towards a guy after my first relationship... Maybe I am horny because I missed the free offer to JO or oral for me almost anywhere and anytime...

Sometimes, I do miss all those offers... I often bump into those guys and I have to be very disciplined to just smile at them and MOVE ON and GO AWAY... Haha...

I love my boy... I MUST be good. :) Actually, though I sometimes miss those hanky pankies, I don't really desire for them.. I CAN live WITHOUT them. :)

Sexy pics...

My gay life is so boring... :p

Ok lah, I am happily attached and I love my boy. So I don't have any encounters to write about. :p

BUT, I have pictures... Haha... I found these... DAMN sexy siah... Don't know who took them... But man, I wish I was asked to take those pictures! :)





Ok, if you have pics you can and want to share with me, please send to me... Else I will run out of things to post! Haha... ;)

Would you marry?

Someone asked for opinions on getting a divorce because he finally realised that he is truely gay.

Would you marry a girl to try to get put of being gay? Would you marry a girl to prove that you are not gay?

I think that is the MOST unfair thing to the girl. Her life and maybe her youth were snatched away by you because you want to make use of her to test out if you are gay.

I am quite upset actually...

Marry for love, please...

Dicks...

Watched 'Fun with Dick and Jane' with my boy tonight... Quite funny! :)

What's more fun is I caught a view of a nice dick after the movie. Not my boy's lah... He's is nice but I had not seen it in a while... Haha...

I walked into the toilet after movie to piss. Stood next to a rather cute young thing. I looked down (normal behaviour lah!) and saw this beautiful fair looking LONG dick. Ok, not that long, but it is big and long for a dick that was pissing just now... I think he was playing with himself and showing off to his friend who stood next to me when I entered the toilet...

Anyway, he noticed I was looking and gave me a pissed off look. Hey, your dick long and hanging outside, people sure see one what... No need to be pissed off lah... At least I appreciate your show off. :)

And that reminds me of Rockson, the owner of the blog I recommended in the last post. How did he know if his horse is THAT big? He must have seen other guy's erect dicks and compared ah... But why would straight guys do that? Hmm... Anyway, I always wondered how would straight guys know whether their dicks, tools or horses are big or small? We gay men can lah, we see and play with hard hard cocks what... :p

Ok lah... So, this is the story of dicks...

Now I am horny again... Boy fell sick... Must have caught a cold from the bad weather these days... So cannot make love... again... Arrgh!... My poor dickie... Haha... How I wish I can get a suck now... Haha... Shit... Got to jerk off to porn again liao...

Check this out!

Hey guys, if you have the free time, can spend some time reading this guy's blog. Rockson rocks man! Haha... He is a straight ah beng blogging... Damn funny. And I tell you, he talks about his horse so often I would love to see it hard man! Makes me hard just thinking about it whenever he starts talking about his horse getting hard. Haha...

Oh, he claims to have a big horse. And in one of his older post, he did mention about 'the time his kar chng kena fucked'... Wonder if he really kena fucked before. Haha... Too bad he is straight... But I know of some guys who love and can seduce straight ah bengs to fuck them... :)

Maybe can get them to organize one so I can see the straight ah beng fuck a gay ass... That will be super sexy man! And I would love to see how big is Rockson... Haha!... :)

Who's talking?

No, I am not psychotic. :p

But I think I might have more than 1 personality...

Today an uncle walked past me and gave me THE look. I took a quick glance and looked away.

Person A, the inferior complex guy, rattled: 'Eh, not bad, got someone looking at me... Heh heh...'

Person B, the sacarstic scorn, rebutted: 'Oh please! He's an OLD man... Come on! Where are the young boys?!?'

Person C, the inner ah beng, cursed: 'Shit! See what see, you stupid man. I am dressed so nicely, where are the pretty boys?' (Eh, no offense to matured guys, I like matured men too, ok?)

And Person D-the slut, Person E-the MAN man, Person F-the aunty, Person G-the decent guy and Person H-the lau ah pek, decided to just keep quiet all the way... Haha... :D

Later 2 yonger men sneaked a peek at me. All the persons smiled to each other. Haha...

No, I am really NOT psychotic. :)

Love

Someone asked how to find love for closeted gays...

I would ask back, what exactly is a closeted gay man?... Someone who pretends to be straight (which is what a lot of us are doing everyday, anyway)? Someone who don't cruise? Someone who don't go to gay places? Someone who pretends to be bi?

Anyway, if you are closeted and you actually asked how to find love, I would say why bother to find gay love? How are you going to express your love for your boyfriend? You would be so closeted you won't even dare to be walking with him... What about book hotel rooms? Celebrating birthdays? Valentine's Day? Christmas? Or even the normal dinner or watching a movie together? Just the 2 of you... Will you feel wierd? Or will you feel like everyone's watching you?

Anyway, I am just ranting nonsense... Glad you guys are around to read my nonsense... Haha... :p

Good night... Tomorrow going gai gai with my boy... Catching a movie... Wonder if people will really see us as a gay couple... Or just 2 good male friends... Hmm... :p

Slept naked?

Heh heh... I slept naked last night... It had been a long time since I last did that... Always makes me horny in the morning, that's why I stopped... Well, I was really horny yesterday... Cummed twice, surfed porn... So, decided to just sleep naked.

Do you guys do that often? :)

If I am staying alone, I would have been naked almost all of the time from the moment I awoke... But must make sure the curtains were drawn shut. Don't want busybody neighbours reporting me to newspapers and the police, like that poor man in the news recently!

Hmm... Why am I still feeling horny?